Another from the Cousins of Mercy range. Original tune here. Probably should write another verse.

When I was a young nerd, as normal nerds do 

I read science fiction and fantasy too 

I'd heard about the Trekkies and the furries and such 

I never thought of going to cons - it really was too much. 

I did not drink, I did not filk, I did not say "frack" 

I had no idea what cosplay was - those days will not come back 

Fandom on the Internet was all that I knew 

But at my first convention, my innocence was through. 

I spent three hundred dollars on books signed by big names 

My life was so much simpler when I was one of the mundanes 

But the love of these conventions has liquified my brains 

And made me spend three hundred bucks on books signed by big names. 

It was June in 1993 when I went to my first con 

I entered the masquerade without too much on 

I bawled with the filkers till the bars were all shut 

I hugged the Guest of Honour and I think I grabbed his butt. 

There's certain thrills the Internet just cannot produce 

Like Armed Offenders callouts when the LARPers get loose 

And so I say to you, the fen, without these cons I'd die 

So next year I'm returning to kiss my cash goodbye. 

I spent three hundred dollars on books signed by big names 

My life was so much simpler when I was one of the mundanes 

But the love of these conventions has put my soul in chains 

And made me spend three hundred bucks on books signed by big names.